I want to do better in my 20s

I have recently read a awesome blog, you may classify it as soul soup, while inspiring as it is, I would like to write down some reflections here.

Asking someone about what they are doing or what to do with their life tend to drag down the conversion, I am just one of such folks, talk movies and books to me, I would be grateful and engaged, while if you wanna discuss my ambitious in life, like the others, the light in my eyes goes out, gradually.

It is sad, it is profoundly pathetic.

Life is not a magical machine as the society telling us: drop in a college degree, a decent job- at least looks decent, a house, and out pops a happy life. NO, it is not, you are unwilling to tell people your ambitious because your direction is crippling. Life has never been easy, as we all know. We just do not speak it out or pretend things will work out by themselves as 车到山前必有路, the horrible fact is no one cares your life if you yourself do not give a damn.

Just because you are busy does not mean you know what you are doing. The question here is why are you doing this, where do you want to be and how do you schedule on getting there.

We should not gamble the ONLY one life that we have to live. The things that stops us from achieving higher: 

1. We may not take advantage of our college years. 

• Majoring in something out of convenience, with no idea what they are going to do with their education.
• in graduate school because of the uncertainty in that non-academical  environment.
• in a job with their major in, while have no real passion for that industry. And surrounded by people who are doing the same. They may have a decent salary and benefits, not too bad annual leave, which makes them reluctant to leave and take a step further.   

“There are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, completely – or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands. You have that moment now. Choose!” – Oscar Wild

• Imagine you inherent millions dollars from an uncle that you hardly know who just passed away, how would you fill your days with, what do you want to accomplish? Chances are, the answer to above questions is what you should be doing.     

2.  You live for the future

• You expect that some event in the future will make you happy. Living for the future and thinking the future will be better after something is completed or once you’ve earned degree, grad school or promotion at work. You are missing the opportunities around you in the present because you live for the future.

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” – John Green

•  Don’t live to be happy. Be happy while living. 
• Live fully and embrace the present. You can walk your way through life thinking the future will be brighter but if you are not doing the things that matter or count today then you will never arrive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. You are controlled by your parents, or you are controlled by the assumption that your parents are hindering you.

• Most parents just want what is safe and secure for their children, they are less interested in whether or not that makes you happy or what motivates you. You yourself should be the one conducting your own life.
• they do not want you to take risk or fail while wanting you to be economically independent so you can take care of yourself and their grandson, if there is any, They want to know that you can pay your own bills and provide for their future grandchildren.
• Sometimes the harder route is better for us, and we as adult individuals can see that, but our parents can’t see our lives in the same light.
• while you should respect the wishes and viewpoints of your parents, you don’t have to mindlessly trudge down the path they lay out for you. If you truly want to do something, you need to take control of your own life and do it. At the end of the day, it’s your life to live.
• Listen to them. Consider their advice. They’ve been around a lot longer than you, and they’ve got a lot of wisdom and good sense to share. But it’s nothing new for children to hold different values and goals than their parents, and at some point you have to learn to define your own code.

4. Your environment is holding you back.

• What you surround yourself with affects who you are and what you do. 
•  How will you ever figure out what to do in your 20s if your friends spend their time addicting to brag and show off in social networks or playing games or doing things that provide instant gratification instead of working towards their goals.
• Excessive indulgence (whether it’s drinking, partying, drug use, sex, junk eating, or whatever) can prevent you from focusing on self-discovery and improvement, and it can even become your worst enemy. 
• Being social is good, and involving yourself in the right relationships can encourage and empower you.
• surround yourself with people who have qualities you admire, who are smarter and more driven than you. Let their success rub off. Soak up their energy, and let their drive help push you to be better too. 
• If you want to get somewhere, then hang out with the people who are already there or who also want to get there. 

5. You’ve taken the wrong path.

• They think they’ll have plenty of time to get what they want, so they don’t take the appropriate steps now, and suddenly life passes them by, and they then realize it is too late to turn back.
• You could be spending most of your time climbing a ladder leaned up against the wrong wall (. Just because their's a ladder presented in front of you doesn’t mean you need to climb it. Go find the right ladder. 
• YOLO. You Only Live Once?  so why waste your time doing something you don’t even care about?

6. You stopped learning.

• What have you done? What skills do you possess? A lifelong education can also be your greatest tool—and one that’s an absolute necessity for greatness.
• Read books. Think about it this way; someone spent their entire life learning some painful lesson and is offering these golden nuggets to you for less than $10. Why wouldn’t you take that knowledge so you can learn from others!!!!!

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education” – Mark Twain

• When you’re passionate about one industry, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you learn, how hungrily you consume new knowledge. 

7. You do the same thing everyday.

• Just because you get older doesn’t mean you’ll become more successful. That’s an assumption a lot of people seem to make, whether they realize it or not, and it’s false. After you graduate, it’s completely up to you to make forward progressions in your life.
• No one is going to hand you anything, and you’re wrong if you think you automatically deserve it—after all, you probably haven’t really done anything yet.
• If you want different results tomorrow, do different things today. It will never be easier to take big risks and try new things than when you’re still young—you’re likely to have fewer commitments and obligations to hold you down. 
• If your environment is holding you back, change your environment.
• Eliminate the negative, embrace the positive, and form habits that breed success.

8. You’re not pushing yourself. 

•  Persistence is a virtue.
• Practice makes perfection!
• You’ve probably tried many things in your life, but you likely haven’t ever committed fully to one for a long period of time. When the goal you’re working on is your life’s true mission, you’ll find it hard to toss aside—the drive inside will tell you to keep going.
• When your social life begins to suffer, your cash flow gets tight, and the frustrations start piling up, don’t quit. That’s progress, and it’s not easy, but there’s a light on the other side of it. Those who can breakthrough those moments is what separates the wolves from the sheep.
• Don’t sit back in a comfortable job that will give you a 5% annual raise. You are not learning. You are not pushing yourself. You are not growing. You’re wasting your time and living a life of complacency. If you want to see change, you are going to have to take risk, put in the time and work your ass off.
• Stop wasting time filling your life with the things that billion dollar marketing companies tell you that you need, and instead build your days on getting to where you want to be.

单口喜剧的艺术 The Art of Stand-Up

参与访谈的： 
　　Omid Djalili、Jack Dee、David Baddiel、Russell Kane、Jim Davidson、Frank Skinner、Jimmy Carr、Dara O Briain、Jack Whitehall、Billy Connolly、Shappi Khorsandi、Ed Byrne、Jackie Mason、Mel Brooks、Howard Jacobson、Chris Addison、Paul Sinha、Scott Capurro、W.Kamau Bell、Eddie Izzard、Elon Gold、Tom Papa、Anthony Jeselnik、Rich Hall 
　　单纯只涉及到的： 
　　Grouch Marx、Bob Hope、Dave Allen、Woody Allen、Max Miller、Roy Chubby Brown、Bernard Manning、Ben Elton、Jerry Seinfield、Mort Sahl、Lenny Bruce、Jim Carrey、Richard Pryor、Roseanne Barr、Frankie Boyle、Michael Mclntyre 
　　 
　　单是名单就觉得很惊讶，看纪录片主页介绍到popular后脑海里最先浮现的名字都不在，没有Bill Bailey没有Dylan Moran没有Russell Brand。所以Alan爷爷显然是有所偏好和侧重的，结尾放那么大一段Eddie Izzard在好莱坞碗的录像也就罢了，毕竟人家也是一代传奇，居然对Simon的采访如此丰盛，还万分捧场地插入了Do Nothing和Grandma's House的片段，怎么想都觉得很不合理。不过看到Chris Addison很惊喜，明明跟那些令人起敬的长辈差不出几岁，可是有谁相信那是四十多岁人的脸啊。Frank Skinner最后谈到他和stand-up comedy的关系很感人。Jim Carrey年轻时候很惊艳。还有很多非常珍贵的录像，尤其是终于一睹好奇很久的Roseanne真面目。 
　　 
　　记得有个朋友说喜剧演员把能量和欢乐都留给了舞台，生活里却悲惨苦闷。希望不是如此，但也只有真正经历过生活酸甜苦辣的人所传递的快乐才具有说服力和触动力。听这些人用Stand-up comedian的“The rule of three”或特有的叙述方式和话语体系讲着对喜剧的理解、对舞台和观众的互动、对前辈的致敬都格外让人动容，当然还有笑话。而每个人的理解和风格的不同倒更是有趣。对我来说大致分成三类，攻击自己的、攻击外界人或物的、攻击观众的，大概我这种insecure类型的自然而然匹配到第一种，而Roy Chubby Brown、Bernard Manning这种类型或是看刘老跟总让我坐立难安。 
　　 
　　关于jokes的禁忌，就像Chris Addison说的，绝对绝对不能说的话题几乎没有，产生区别的不是笑话而是讲笑话的方式，有关信仰、种族和性这些敏感话题的笑话，讲的好哄堂大笑，差一点观众摇着头笑，变成攻击性话语就等着被沉默哄下台吧。之所以称为art正在于此吧。人的魅力本身也会产生巨大的差别，其中最迷人最有魔力的莫过于声音，比如Simon声音里的焦虑和怪异的断句都跟他的内容很符合所以效果惊人，而那些操着各乡各郡口音的大叔们张口就已然很好笑。对Chris Addison我是有心喜爱，无奈这家伙说话属于激动派，MTW还是幕后危机不加字幕我是完全听不懂。这就得夸夸Jerry Seinfield人家吐字确实清楚啊。 
　　 
　　对Stand-up comedy最稀罕之处就是那个实验笑话用的小本子，每个笑话都是一次one time deal，获得了笑声就得以生存，反应平平则再不会出现，笑声的剧烈程度时间长度成了判定生死的唯一尺度，而在笑声出现前的空白中，舞台灯光下等待回应者的vulnerable实在太美。 
　　 
　　絮絮叨叨说这么多，还没说到主题。把Simon所有的话都抄了下来这件事我不到处说就在这念念。就说Alan爷爷偏心内容实在太多，只摘出一部分。 
　　 
　　Alan：Do you just want laughs or do you want more than laughs? 
　　Simon：Much, much more. Sometimes I’m annoyed they’re laughing. I think, “Why are you laughing? You should be asking me if I’m all right.” 
　　 
　　这大致就是最开始喜欢Simon的原因，第一次看Do Nothing哭的心都有完全不解那些大笑。 
　　 
　　A：Do you ever worry that you’re revealing too much of yourself when you do this? 
　　S：No, the opposite. I always think,“Have I really said the actual truth of this situation here? Or did I just get a laugh with that?” And that’s safe, to stay there. I always think there’s somewhere deeper to go and somewhere more interesting. 
　　 
　　之后羡慕佩服的情绪逐渐代替了同病相怜的同感，羡慕他将消极情绪指向外界的方式，虽然更像是走到了另一个极端。 
　　 
　　A：When you go through your life and the ups and downs and the traumas, do you ever think when you’ve had a particularly bad day, or a bad experience, do you“Oh, well, there’s some material there at least?” 
　　S：Almost too quickly. It’s almost upsetting how quick it can become material. I recently went through a break-up, and I’m already talking about it. And I was talking about it three days after it happened. 
　　A：Is that a consolation of any kind, do you think? 
　　S：It is eventually. But I’m annoyed that it is sometimes, because it means I’m not feeling things fully. And that’s part of what’s wrong with me. So while people talk about stand-up being therapy, it can be the opposite sometimes, because it stops you from fully immersing yourself in the pain, because you can fix it quickly, it’s almost magic. 
　　A：And because you’re outside observing it, very rapidly... 
　　S：Yeah, I’m outside all the time. I’m outside of it. I’m not in there, feeling hurt, feeling angry, feeling upset. I’m looking at this idiot, who should be crying or is crying, and sort of making fun of him. And it’s me! It’s me. 
　　 
　　实际上从Do Nothing到Grandma's House再到Numb，贯穿始终的话题都是对真实和感受的追求，前两天偷听讲座很像街上下象棋大爷的老师讲说我们对善的教育最充分，对美有所不足，而对真则最是欠缺。大概多少有这方面缘故吧总觉有心追求却能力有限，所以才心甘情愿守在台下看着他一分一毫在周身做着实验，盲人摸象般试图找出对两点阈最敏感的柔软之处。 
　　 
　　 
　　到最后说点有用的。。向Oliver Double教授学到的喜剧三种基础理论：强调攻击和显示优越性；与事实的不一致；释放紧张（即弗洛依德所讲的纯粹的笑话和倾向性笑话）。